Occasionally, I'll get bored and re-read the Harry Potter series. So far, I think I've read it over fifteen times. My absolute favorite scene is when Harry fights off some Dementors that where about to suck out his soul, but the twist is, he was time traveling and saved himself from across the way.
My life is full of Dementors.
I struggle day in, and day out with battling my own depression, without drugs, without help. I'm generally a very optimistic person, cheerful and full of life, but what many people don't realize is that I actually can't wait to die.
This existence that I'm in, I put myself in, I understand that, but I also have realized that I cannot get myself out of the crippling debt that student loans have me in. I will never live a simple, quiet life, so I've honestly given up.
I'm not about to kill myself, because I'm not selfish like that. I have loving parents, a great family and it would be unfair to cause them unnecessary grief. However, I can't wait until that moment I'm called home to the place that those who have passed away before us have gone.
Everyday, I struggle to stay strong, stay positive, to look on the bright side, to bring a smile to someone, but there's days that the depression wins again, and all I can do is try again the next day, and the next.
While I'm alive, I'll appreciate this gift of being alive,I don't intend to squander it, but deep in the back of my mind is the inane longing to just stop existing.
It's really funny to think how imaginary numbers can ruin your entire existence. The money I borrowed did not appear in suitcases, but rather it was just numbers on paper. I suppose this is living proof that the pen is mightier than the sword.